Angst

I’m so sick.
I’m tired.
Did I fail?
Have I done anything right?
Am I doing anything right?

What do my feelings count for?
Anything?
Are they worthless?
Am I worthless?
No, I’m not.

I hate feeling so lonely.
I don’t talk to anyone.
But I want to.
I miss talking to someone.
I just want to be heard.

Is there any respect for me?
For how I feel?
I feel undermined,
Without value.

I’m afraid.
I’ve brought this on myself
Because I’m afraid.
Afraid of what they will say.
I don’t want their advice sometimes.
I just want someone to listen.
I’ve been reduced to talking to myself.
Because I feel like only I hear me.

Someone please listen.
Please listen.
Please.
I feel so alone.

I’m not like you.
My feelings don’t go away
With just a smile.
They come back,
Even worse,
If left unshared.
They must be set free.

I can’t let go.
I’m not like you.
I can’t let go
Of my sadness
And anger
And fear,
Not by myself.
I have to release them
To the world.

I want to scream,
And break things,
And hurt myself
When I’m left alone too long.
The feelings build up inside me,
And I can’t let them go by myself.
They have nowhere to go,
So they come back.
They need somewhere to go.

So I need to be heard.
I need someone to listen,
And not make me afraid to speak.

Do not undermine me.
Do not belittle my emotions.
Respect me.
They are big to me,
They are important to me.
Listen,
And they will be set free.
And I will be free.

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While feeling particularly blue one day, I decided to turn my angst into a writing exercise. I took a pencil and a sheet of paper and just kept writing nonstop until I reached the bottom of the page. This is what came out. The poem is made purely of raw emotion; the only editing I did was to arrange one long paragraph into poetic verses. I hope you enjoy what I’ve written. Thanks for reading!