My Thoughts on Despair, Hope, and Creativity

So it’s been a brutal last several weeks, hasn’t it? From a conga line of devastating hurricanes to a humanitarian crisis in a U.S. territory to a mass shooting labeled the worst in American history, it’s almost as if 2017 is trying to set some sort of horrible historical record.

I’ll be honest: it’s times like these when I can’t help but feel glad my blog posts are written and scheduled in advance, because there’s nothing like the world seeming like it’s falling apart to totally kill creativity. The hurricane-every-week situation of September was bad enough, and then what happened in Las Vegas last week broke me. Instead of spiraling into a dizzying rant about all the anger and frustration I feel, however, I’ll let Jimmy Kimmel sum it up better than I ever could:

Honestly, a part of me felt guilty for not saying anything about Las Vegas on my blog last week. I mean, when tragedy strikes, everyone feels obligated to say something before all the buzz dies down, right? And it’s not like I haven’t acknowledged tragic events before; it’s almost become a habit for me to dedicate a poem to the victims of a major attack within a week.

But this time, I just didn’t have the energy. I didn’t like thinking about it, much less talking or writing about it. So I figured I’d just share my thoughts on my personal Facebook page and move on with my blog like everything was normal.

But then I started reflecting on that mentality. Why was I thinking about the latest in a series of national tragedies like it was just another social media meme doomed to fade after a week? Why should we stop talking about the people who have suffered and are still suffering from any recent event just because it’s not the trending topic anymore? Should I not write about an issue that matters because I “missed the boat” and it might upset readers who are trying to forget about it? I don’t think so.

What you’re reading now is the result of days of processing, a sudden urge to vent, and hours of careful editing to get my thoughts straight. Maybe it still needs some work—editing is never truly finishing—but I can only write so much on the subject without losing my mind.

To be clear, this is not a political rant. I’m not trying to shove my thoughts on climate change or gun control in anyone’s face. I’m not even focusing on the events themselves. This is more of a creativity rant, or rather, a lack-of-creativity rant. So here goes nothing.

Recent events have reminded me of how much despair can drain one’s ability to create. As a writer, it’s a strange feeling not to be able to write. Emotion is the fuel of good fiction and poetry, after all, so you’d think real-life tragedy would be perfect material for art. But emotion also affects inspiration, and when there’s simply too much negativity to handle, it takes an incredible effort just to sit at a keyboard and type out a half-decent story.

2017 has been a particularly difficult year for me, not just because of what’s going on in the world, but because of major changes in my personal life. As soon as I finished my Master’s program at the end of 2016, I left home, hopped on a plane to California, and moved in with my long-distance boyfriend of seven years.

For almost a year now, I’ve had a front-row seat to some of the most emotionally exhausting events of my lifetime. To give an idea of how much current events have affected my creativity, I used to have at least three weeks’ worth of blog posts scheduled in advance at all times. Now I’m lucky if I can get up to two weeks ahead.

But a reflection on recent events has also reminded me that despair is only half of a cycle that includes hope. Somehow, every time tragedy strikes, a little light still finds its way through the shadows and rekindles that spark of creativity and inspiration. Whether it’s a blog post, a short story, a poem, or another page of my novel, the will to create always returns.

It’s hard to stay positive when the world insists on knocking you down over and over, but if I’ve learned anything in all the time I’ve been writing, it’s that creativity is one of the greatest manifestations of hope. I may write less than usual sometimes, but I’m always writing, and that definitely counts for something. It means that deep down, hope is still alive and well.

I’ve been told that I’m an empath, a person who feels other people’s emotions. I’m no stranger to being overwhelmed by negative energy, and it’s certainly made its way into my writing more than once. But while some of my most inspired fiction and poetry has come from a place of sadness or anger, I’ve realized that the creativity I feel in those moments is rarely about the emotion itself; more often, it’s about conquering those bad feelings and battling through the darkness to get to the light.

Maybe that’s why despair affects me so much: it feels less like an emotion and more like a void for all the others. It fights dirty, robbing me of the only weapons I have to fight back. But it hasn’t won yet, and as long as hope and creativity remain, I know it never will.

So to all my fellow artists, the best takeaway I can offer you is this: try not to let despair stifle your creative nature, because it’s both your best defense and your strongest weapon. Hold on to your hope and remember that there will always be a light at the end of the darkness. Sometimes a short piece of fiction or a simple poem written from the heart is all the reminder you need to keep moving forward.

On a final note, those of you familiar with my blog know that I share posts about creative writing every single Wednesday, all year round. I almost didn’t share this post today. I could have written all my thoughts out and just kept them to myself and let my blog skip to the Wednesday piece originally planned for today. But obviously, the fact that you’re reading this now means I decided these thoughts were too important not to share. I only hope they’ve resonated with someone in the good way I intended.

Thank you for reading. Stay hopeful, keep fighting for positive change, and please, no matter how hard it seems, never stop creating.

5 Major Themes and Motifs in Shakespeare’s “Romeo & Juliet”

It’s the first week of October, so regular readers of mine, you know the drill: it’s time to dive once again into my all-time favorite story, Romeo & Juliet! In the past, I’ve covered five points in the story that are often missed, the reasons it really is a great love story, a review of the book with both the play and the musical adaptation, and five lessons about love that can be learned from this story. Now I’m ready to cover even more of this timeless classic!

This year, I decided to dig a little deeper into the story and dedicate my annual R&J post to the literary devices that uphold it. So on that note, here are five major themes and motifs in Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet. Enjoy!

1) The Power of Love

But my true love is grown to such excess / I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth. – Juliet Capulet (2.6.33–34)

This one is kind of a given, but it’s such a prominent theme in Romeo & Juliet that it forever warrants a place at the top of the list. Though debates reign about the extent of the roles of fate, hatred, and violence in the play, it’s obvious that love is by far the most powerful force in this story. It brings the young lovers together, motivates them to risk everything to be together, and drives them to their tragic end. So let’s explore how powerful love really is in Romeo & Juliet, shall we?

“Then have my lips the sin that they have took.” (1.5.110)
Romeo and Juliet share their first kiss (Romeo + Juliet, 1996)

To start, it’s important to define the type of love that dominates the play. There’s no question that the love in Romeo & Juliet is romantic, but what often gets overlooked is the fact that it’s also amoral. While other poets before him romanticized love as a beautiful and pure emotion, Shakespeare was more interested in portraying it as an intense and violent force that drives people into chaos and overpowers all other priorities, including life itself.

“You kiss by th’ book.” (1.5.112)
Romeo and Juliet find a moment of privacy at the Capulet Ball (Romeo & Juliet, 2013)

The greatest evidence of love’s intensity in Romeo & Juliet is the wide variety of descriptions and metaphors it receives throughout the play. In the sonnet that makes up Romeo and Juliet’s first conversation, love is described in religious terms, while in the prologue of Act II, the feeling is equated to magic. Its dangers are also mentioned by other characters: Friar Laurence warns Romeo about the fickleness of young love, while Mercutio’s Queen Mab speech outright criticizes the delusions of lovers’ dreams. Juliet even loves Romeo so much that she hardly has enough words to express her feelings all at once. Every character in the play seems to have an opinion on love, yet not one of them manages to describe it completely. It seems love, at least according to Shakespeare, is so powerful that it can’t be contained in any one definition.

Though the love in Romeo & Juliet is romantic, it’s far from idealized. Unlike the cheesy version in the bad poetry Romeo recites about Rosaline, Shakespeare’s depiction of love is a far more passionate and chaotic emotion that can evoke an astonishing amount of beauty and tragedy in a short period of time. No wonder this story is still so popular today; every time I read it, there’s something new to learn about love!

2) The Inevitability of Fate

A greater power than we can contradict / Hath thwarted our intents. – Friar Laurence (5.3.153–54)

The star-crossed lovers meet their untimely end (Romeo + Juliet, 1996)

If love is the strongest theme in Romeo & Juliet, fate is a close second. From the opening lines of the chorus, it’s made clear to the audience that the young lovers are pretty much doomed from the start. While there is a solid argument that society is really to blame for Romeo and Juliet’s deaths, the fact that Shakespeare peppered his play with references to fate, fortune, and the stars hints at the idea that every circumstance leading up to the main characters’ tragic end was always out of their control.

Notably, the role of fate in this story isn’t just clear to the audience; it’s also evident to the characters themselves. Through the second half of the play, after Mercutio and Tybalt are killed, death always seems to linger in the corner of the lovers’ minds. They’re both haunted by omens—such as each other’s pale faces after spending the night together or Juliet’s vision of Tybalt’s ghost before taking the sleeping potion—and though they try to stave off the looming threat of tragedy, it soon becomes clear that their story can only end in their untimely deaths.

The inevitability of fate is emphasized by the many forms it takes throughout the play:

  • The feud between the Capulets and Montagues, which is purposely never explained
  • References to fate by the characters – “O, I am fortune’s fool!” (3.1.141), “Then I defy you, stars.” (5.1.24)
  • Friar Laurence’s letter failing to reach Romeo
  • Romeo dying just before Juliet wakes up

While fate often seems like an external and impersonal divine force driving the characters’ lives, it also manifests as the direct forces influencing Romeo and Juliet’s choices. The rivalry between the noble households culminates in the double murder that complicates the lovers’ marriage, and Capulet’s decision to change the day of the wedding contributes to the rush of events that leads to the final tragedy. Even the protagonists themselves play directly into the hands of fate. The irony of Romeo’s decision to die alongside Juliet is that by trying to defy fate, he inadvertently brings it about: Juliet kills herself as soon as she finds him dead, thus completing the tragic sequence of events set in motion from the play’s very first scene.

Juliet stabs herself with Romeo’s dagger and dies by his side (Romeo and Juliet, 1968)

Much like love, fate in Romeo & Juliet is an amoral and overpowering force that none of the characters can resist. Despite all their efforts to love each other in peace, Romeo and Juliet can never escape their tragic destiny as the “pair of star-crossed lovers” who “take their life”, immortalizing them as the ill-fated couple of one of the greatest love stories ever told.

3) The Duality of Passion (Love and Violence)

If the entire story of Romeo & Juliet could be summed up in one word, that word would be passion. Almost every scene in the play involves characters succumbing to powerful emotions that drive their actions and, consequently, the plot. Observe:

  • “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, / My love as deep; the more I give to thee, / The more I have, for both are infinite.” (2.2.133–35)

    Act I: Montague and Capulet servants fight each other in the street (establishing the long-standing feud), Romeo agrees to attend the Capulet ball for the chance to see a girl he thinks he loves, Romeo and Juliet meet and fall in love at first sight

  • Act II: Romeo risks death by trespassing into the Capulet orchard to see Juliet again, Romeo and Juliet declare their love for each other, Romeo proposes to Juliet the next day (via the Nurse), Romeo and Juliet get married
  • Act III: Tybalt challenges Romeo to a duel for crashing the Capulet ball, Mercutio fights Tybalt to defend Romeo’s honor, Tybalt kills Mercutio, Romeo fights and kills Tybalt to avenge Mercutio, Romeo almost kills himself out of guilt, Romeo spends the night with Juliet, Capulet threatens to disown Juliet if she doesn’t marry Paris in two days
  • Act IV: Juliet threatens to kill herself if Friar Laurence can’t help her get out of marrying Paris, Capulet gets so excited about Juliet becoming obedient that he moves the wedding up to tomorrow, Juliet drinks the sleeping potion Friar Laurence gives her to fake her death
  • Act V: Romeo buys poison to kill himself after hearing that Juliet has died, Paris blocks Romeo from entering the Capulet tomb upon assuming he’s there to vandalize Juliet and Tybalt’s bodies, Romeo kills Paris outside the Capulet tomb, Romeo drinks the poison and dies beside Juliet, Juliet wakes up and stabs herself with Romeo’s dagger, Montague and Capulet reconcile over their children’s deaths

Notice how virtually every important action in this play is caused by some intense emotion, whether it’s overpowering love or violent hatred. What’s especially intriguing about the passion in Romeo & Juliet is that love and violence, however polar they may seem, are constantly intertwined. Indeed, the shadow of death hangs over the play’s characters from the prologue to the final scene, and it always manifests as a consequence of passion, as much in love as in hate.

“Ha, banishment? Be merciful, say death.” (3.3.12)

The connection between love and violence in Romeo & Juliet is most evident in the actions and thoughts of the lovers themselves. Both Romeo and Juliet threaten to kill themselves at the first obstacle to their love, each one imagines the other looking dead the morning after their wedding night, and their intensely passionate “star-crossed love” culminates in their double suicide. While their goal is always to keep their love pure, the fact that they both resort to violence to achieve that end supports the story’s major theme of passion as a powerful and blinding force that few can resist.

By all accounts, passion seems to be the cause of all the conflict and grief in Romeo & Juliet. Then again, without passion, there would be no story in the first place, would there?

4) Light and Darkness

More light and light, more dark and dark our woes. – Romeo Montague (3.5.36)

“Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds” (3.2.1)

A particularly prominent motif in Romeo & Juliet is the imagery of light and darkness. This motif manifests most frequently in night and day, as much of the action in the play happens either at night or in the morning. And while it doesn’t necessarily highlight any moral statement, the light and dark imagery of Romeo & Juliet does provide an interesting contrast throughout the story.

The most famous example of this imagery is during the balcony scene when Romeo describes Juliet as the sun, being so beautiful and radiant that she has the power to turn night into day. Another well-known example of this contrast is the morning after their wedding night, when the lovers playfully argue about the time of day before Romeo leaves for Mantua. These scenes highlight differing perspectives of the world and emphasize how Romeo and Juliet seek refuge in their love to oppose the reality that threatens to separate them.

“Wilt thou be gone? It is not yet near day.” (3.5.1)

Unlike many other stories that use this motif to symbolize good and evil, the light and darkness in Romeo & Juliet are far more neutral. The lovers favor darkness because it gives them the privacy they desire, yet they see only light in each other. And although it never plays a direct role in their story, the contrast of light and dark does permeate the play until it culminates in a final poetic union: the darkness of Romeo and Juliet’s deaths and the light of hope in their families’ reconciliation.

5) Individuality vs. Social Conformity

“Alla stoccata carries it away.” (3.1.77)

While love and fate pull most of the strings in Romeo & Juliet, the lives of the main characters are further complicated by the obstacles imposed by their society. Throughout the story, Romeo and Juliet struggle (with varying degrees of success) to defy the social institutions that oppose their love, such as:

  • Family and patriarchy
  • Religion
  • Law and social order
  • Masculine honor

Yet despite the challenges they face, the young lovers repeatedly prove that their love is stronger than the social norms that threaten to keep them apart. Juliet defies her father’s authority in order to marry the man she loves and remain loyal to him to the end. Romeo compares Juliet to the sun and considers her more beautiful than the goddess of the moon, while Juliet refers to Romeo as the “god of my idolatry” (2.2.114). While still banished, Romeo returns to Verona to see Juliet one last time before he dies. Romeo refuses Tybalt’s challenge for Juliet’s sake (though he later succumbs to the pressure of honor after Mercutio is killed).

By constantly rebelling against their world, Romeo and Juliet establish themselves as individuals who seek to distance themselves from the obligations their public social lives impose upon them. Yet despite their best efforts to rebel through individuality, these social institutions continue to force them further into a corner until they’re left with only one option for escape. If anything, the greatest tragedy of Romeo & Juliet is that as powerful and beautiful as their love is, they can only find peace from their poisonous society through the ultimate form of darkness and privacy: an eternity together in death.

“For never was a story of more woe, / Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” (5.3.309–10)

What are your thoughts on these themes and motifs in Romeo & Juliet? Any other interesting themes you would add to this list?

5 Lessons of Love in Shakespeare’s “Romeo & Juliet”

Welcome to the first week of October, or as it’s come to be known here on The Wolfe’s (Writing) Den, “Romeo & Juliet Week”! Yes, every year around this time, I like to share a post about my favorite love story: since I started blogging in 2013, I’ve covered five points that are commonly missed, the reasons this is such a great love story, and a book review of Romeo & Juliet / West Side Story.

Now I’d like to continue the trend this year with a post about some of the lessons we can all learn from Shakespeare’s timeless romance. So on that note, here are five lessons about love in Romeo & Juliet! Enjoy!

1) Love is blind.

Romeo and Juliet meet at the Capulet Ball and fall in love at first sight (Romeo & Juliet, 2013)

Romeo and Juliet meet at the Capulet Ball and fall in love at first sight (Romeo & Juliet, 2013)

This is arguably one of the most famous lessons taken from Romeo & Juliet (second to, if not tied with, the fourth point on this list). The city of Verona is torn by a feud between two influential households, “both alike in dignity”, yet against all odds, a pair of teenagers from either family find each other and fall in love at first sight. Initially blind to the fact they’re supposed to be enemies, they’re understandably shocked and disappointed after learning each other’s names, but still strive to be together in spite of the hatred that threatens to keep them apart.

Romeo and Juliet’s decision to set aside their differences in favor of romance proves true the famous idiom “love is blind”, and this has become a common theme in many adaptations. A well-known example is the musical West Side Story, in which a Polish-American boy and a Puerto-Rican girl fall in love against a backdrop of racial intolerance and street gang warfare. If there’s one lesson common to all versions of this story, it’s that love is and always will be universal. Be it in social position, race, or anything else, wherever fear and hatred create barriers, love will keep on tearing them down. Which goes to show…

2) Love brings out the best in us.

Too many people focus on the tragic themes in Romeo & Juliet without giving enough credit to the positive points. It’s easy to dismiss the title characters as naïve and misguided teenagers throughout this four-day course of events, but it’s important to keep in mind that they’re very different people by the end of the story than they were in the beginning.

Romeo and Juliet profess their love for each other over Juliet's balcony (Romeo and Juliet, 1968)

Romeo and Juliet profess their love for each other over Juliet’s balcony (Romeo and Juliet, 1968)

Remember that before Romeo meets Juliet, he quite possibly suffers from depression due to perceived parental neglect and a hopeless infatuation with a young lady named Rosaline. Meanwhile, Juliet before Romeo is the picture of an innocent and sheltered child, pressured by her parents into a marriage of convenience with virtually no freedom to pursue happiness on her own. As I’ve noted before, Romeo & Juliet can be considered a coming-of-age story because after these teenagers cross paths, they quickly blossom into more mature people: Romeo becomes a deeply passionate and devoted lover, Juliet becomes a strong and confident woman, and both are willing to sacrifice everything for the love that makes them the best possible versions of themselves.

Now you may argue that Romeo wasn’t all good inside because he murdered Tybalt, but don’t forget that this act is brought about by his anger over Tybalt murdering his friend Mercutio and has nothing to do with Romeo’s marriage to Juliet. It’s hatred that brings out the worst in this story’s characters, while love only ever brings them happiness and hope for a peaceful future, at least to the ones who are willing to seek it.

Unfortunately, as these young lovers quickly learn, love has a tragic side as well…

3) Life without love is not worth living.

Our idealistic young heroes clearly believed their story was destined to last a lifetime, but sadly, as we all know, it was not to be. In the beginning of Act V, Romeo’s entire world is shattered when he learns that his beloved Juliet is dead (which we know is only part of Friar Laurence’s master plan, but this poor kid missed the memo). Heartbroken, it takes him about a second to decide his next course of action: to drink poison and die at his wife’s side.

Melodramatic, much? Not for someone in Romeo’s shoes. Don’t forget, in the course of a day, this teenage boy lost his best friend, his family, his home, and his social standing, and only narrowly escaped Verona with his life. Juliet was his last ray of hope, and now suddenly, she’s gone too. What else is a grieving young lover, with nothing left to live for, to do but follow his beloved into the afterlife?

Romeo mistakenly believes Juliet is dead and resolves to die at her side (Romeo + Juliet, 1996)

Romeo mistakenly believes Juliet is dead and resolves to die at her side (Romeo + Juliet, 1996)

Romeo’s decision to kill himself only after losing Juliet can be seen as a testament to how much she truly means to him. Even after losing everything else, he holds on to the hope of a future with her, and only gives up on life after that one hope is snatched away. Juliet, in turn, clearly loves Romeo just as deeply, as it also takes her literally a second to choose eternity in death with him over a miserable life alone. The star-crossed lovers are faced with an unthinkable choice in the play’s final scene, yet neither one of them hesitates to die for the other because they already know in their hearts the one truth no one else in the story seems to understand: life without love is not worth living.

Which leads us to the next lesson…

4) Love stories don’t always end happily.

Is there any tragedy in all of literature more famous than the plight of Shakespeare’s star-crossed lovers? Since premiering on stage just over four centuries ago, Romeo and Juliet have become the archetypal young lovers thwarted by fate, a symbol of romance doomed to a tragic end.

After learning of his wife’s supposed death, Romeo ventures into the Capulet tomb to say his final goodbye (“Eyes, look your last. / Arms, take your last embrace.” (5.3.112–13)) and die by Juliet’s side. Upon waking moments later and discovering her husband’s body, Juliet kisses him one last time and promptly plunges his dagger into her heart without a second thought (“O happy dagger, / This is thy sheath. There rust and let me die.” (5.3.169–70)). Fast forward to the Capulets and Montagues grieving for their dead children and the Prince chastising both families for leading these young lovers to their tragic end (“For never was a story of more woe / Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” (5.3.309–10)).

Comparison of death scenes in Romeo & Juliet films. Left: Romeo and Juliet (1968). Right: Romeo + Juliet (1996)

Comparison of death scenes in Romeo & Juliet films. Left: Romeo and Juliet (1968); Right: Romeo + Juliet (1996) (Source: YTMN Remake Rematch Thread)

As prolific readers and writers of romance well know, love stories don’t always end in “happily ever after”. Yet even tragic love stories can still drive home the most powerful message of all…

5) But in the end, love is still stronger than hate.

Romeo and Juliet may not have gotten their happy ending, but the love that compelled them to willingly die for each other still accomplished a miracle: it ended the generations-old feud between the Capulets and Montagues. This may seem like a consolation prize, but it’s still nothing to sneeze at; after all, not even the Prince of Verona could achieve peace between these families!

"The Reconciliation of the Montagues and Capulets over the Dead Bodies of Romeo and Juliet", 1855, oil on canvas painting by Frederic Leighton

“The Reconciliation of the Montagues and Capulets over the Dead Bodies of Romeo and Juliet”, 1855, oil on canvas painting by Frederic Leighton

One of the central themes of Romeo & Juliet is passion, which manifests equally in love and in violence. Both are powerful and conflicting forces throughout the story, but ultimately, it’s love that conquers hate. To prove this point, compare the deaths of Romeo and Juliet to those of Mercutio and Tybalt. The latter pair engage in a heated duel and both end up suffering violent deaths brought on by anger and hatred; as a result, tensions between the Capulets and Montagues escalate and the feud only gets worse. In contrast, Romeo and Juliet, each the only child and last descendant of their respective families, willingly take their own lives in a final desperate act to escape the violent cycle keeping them apart and be united for eternity. Only then do Montague and Capulet realize their mistakes and make amends, for while they could easily blame Mercutio and Tybalt’s deaths on their enemies, they have no one to blame for Romeo and Juliet’s deaths but themselves.

Romeo & Juliet is one of the greatest love stories ever written, with strong lessons of romance that live on to this day. Whether proving that hatred kills or that love is the most powerful force in the world, Shakespeare’s classic play is a testament to the enduring passions of humanity, and it will always be my favorite story as much for the above lessons as for its ultimate message: life is fleeting, but love is forever.

United in death (Romeo & Juliet, 2013)

United in death (Romeo & Juliet, 2013)

What about you? What lessons do you think can be learned from Romeo & Juliet? What has this classic story taught you about love?

Decontamination

Never leave the incubator unattended.

That’s the first lesson they teach you when you start at the lab. I wish I had listened.

Thankfully, the explosion was contained to the one room. The building has been evacuated as per safety protocol, and the cleanup crew is busy decontaminating the area while the head of the department has me fill out a statement for the report. I’ve never felt so guilty in my life. That’s saying something.

I have a bad history of putting living beings in danger. I squashed my sister’s hamster as a kid, ran over my neighbor’s cat as a teenager, and lost my friend’s dog on the street in my first year of college. And now I’ve endangered at least a dozen human beings by accidentally unleashing bacteria all over the laboratory. Unknown, unpredictable bacteria. There’s no telling what damage I could have caused if I hadn’t been alone when the incubator burst.

The cleanup crew has finished their work and is filing out of the lab. I’ve been told it’s safe to go back inside. While everyone else leaves, I throw on my cleanroom suit and head in to grab my notes. As I pass by the busted incubator, I feel a horrible sinking sensation in my stomach. Years’ worth of research has been lost tonight, and it’s all my fault.

I open my notebook and flip to the last filled pages. I want to figure out what went wrong. Could I have set the incubator temperature too high by mistake? Was there a malfunctioning piece in the machine? Or is this all just happening now because bad luck follows me wherever I go?

A tear splashes on the corner of the page. I wipe my eyes as I take a pen from the table and scribble a quick note about the explosion. After replacing the pen and skimming through my notes one last time, I close the notebook and glance up at the clock on the wall. It tells me I’ve been here over half an hour, much longer than I’d anticipated. Better start heading out.

Replacing the notebook on the table, I hurry back to the adjoining chamber to remove my suit before I head out, but I stop just inside the doorway when I hear voices in the hall. They must think everyone has already left. Standing still, just out of sight, I listen to them talk about the incident. I recognize two voices: the head of the department and the director of the lab. The director is saying it was lucky no one was injured by the explosion, otherwise the consequences could be catastrophic. The results from the last lab mice test came back this morning; they’ve just discovered that the bacteria we’ve been studying induce a lethal reaction in the subject.

My heart starts to race and I break into a sweat, but I dare not make a sound. The department head asks if we should quarantine everyone in the building, but the director reassures him that the bacteria are not airborne; infection only occurs from direct contact with the subject’s blood. Even if anyone had been contaminated, they wouldn’t last long enough to spread the disease beyond this isolated research facility, as the infection is fatal within hours. The head of the department mutters a curse against “that damn clumsy student”. He wishes I had never set foot in the lab in the first place.

I’ve heard enough. Moving away from the door, I turn and hurry back into the lab. This time I don’t bother with the suit, heading straight through the door toward the notebook and pen on the table before making a beeline for the room on the other side of the floor. Tears return to my eyes as I rush past the broken incubator.

All your faultAll your fault

I’m no stranger to being cursed. Most people who know me end up wishing they’d never met me, usually after my bad luck causes them some sort of injury. Nobody likes me. Nobody ever wants me around. I don’t blame them. I’m a jinx, a curse, a disease.

You’re the real infection

I rush into the freezer and slam the door behind me. I lean back against the wall, open the notebook, and start scribbling words on the blank pages in the back, important notes to all the people I’ve loved and wronged. By now the tears have blurred my vision so much that I can barely see the letters anymore. Tremblingly, I rip the last page from the notebook and clutch it close to my chest. Now all that’s left to do is wait.

A strange calm overtakes me as I flip through my notebook for the last time. This is best for everyone, I tell myself. Everything happens for a reason, right? Yes, they’ll all be better off this way. Shivering, I get to the last of my notes, the secret of how some loose shards of shattered glass and metal struck me in the explosion.

My strength begins to leave me and I stifle a cough. I close the notebook as well as my eyes and pull my sleeve down, covering the gash in my hand where the glass tore right through my glove. This is how they’ll find me in the morning, tears frozen on my cheeks and a piece of paper clutched tightly in my hand, containing a single word that says everything…

Contaminated.

Nous Sommes Unis

Hear the silence in the streets,
Feel the sorrow in the air
In the chilling aftermath
Of the night of terror
That left the world in shock.

See the world shine bright
In blue, white and red.
Let them know we are united
As we support our allies
In this tragic time for humanity.

France, we stand with you now
In this solemn hour.
Against hate and violence,
In the name of love and peace,
Nous sommes unis.


Wrote this poem shortly after the attacks in Paris on November 13. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the victims of the tragedy. May love always triumph over hate. We stand with you, France. #NousSommesUnis

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